NOT A DAMN STAIN ON ME... WHEN I WALK BY IT EVEN SMELLS LIKE MONEY

U S E L E S S | I N F O R M A T I O N
Name: Jess Vengeance
Single or taken: single
Sex: gurl
Birthday: 4/2/94
Sign: aries.

im so far away from where i wanna be.

but oh well i mean i got my Real friends to help me through all this.

Mariah,Anthony,Kelsey,Jd,corrine,alex<33

i have a feeling i can make it throughh.

blake hearing from you today made my fucking day great iloveyouuuu<3

So far away,so fr away without you we cannot stay the samee.....

from john origanally___     

 lyrics help me  

(((((R.I.P. ))))
And man I miss the times, we would shine, you would keep me on your side
You would teach me how to ride and you would teach me how to pry
Then we get on the line and go over our lines
We were in the same position and that's when you change positions, shit
I never change and I miss ya, and its strange but I never forget ya
say that aint you in them pictures homie
And I know that aint you wit that dissin on me
That's why I never replied and never will just let em live phony
If ya ever died I swear to God I got yo kids homie
Whats mine is theirs I gotta give homie, and yea
We still a army in this bitch homie
Yea Cash Money still the shit homie, shit homie
Whats really real is you feelin me nigga
That Hot Boy shit still in me nigga, word the giggity nigga
And I aint got time to speak the history
I miss you and I know you missin
Gizzle but


Many nights we were hustlin(yea)
Man I miss my dawgs(yea)
Me and you through thick and thin(yea <3)
Me and you to the very end
For only you I was in the game

And I remember when you came to the click
I had already made my name in the click, but you got famous and shit
I got my soulja rag and dangled my shit
I was down to just to hang wit you shit
And I banged to the boogie bang bang wit yo click
And I aint even from the 3, my hood was angry at me, shit
But I rose to my feet, played the post wit the heat
At them shows while you performed and posed
I was waitin for a nigga to jump, see I was patient but was ready to duck
'cause you my brother chump
Real Gs never buckle up
But every family aint filled wit gangstas that's real
And that's real and I would never turn my back or turn ya down
Even if you turned around muthaf**ka
But history is history
I miss you and I know you missin me
Josh but


You was my nigga, my nerd, my joy, my herb
My main muthafuckin man j
My other

Nick i love you like a brother iv known you my wholeee fucking lifee.

welll sadly...today i found out you were selling drugs to my friend alex's EX.

I cant believe you would do this im pretty pretty sure your doing them too...

I thought you were better than this you saw what happend to josh cause of drugs. you did so wtf??

You saved my life dude for real i wouldnt be here if it wasnt for you ily<3...

but you cant do this.

i wanna tell you so bad how i feel about the whole drug thing

but i dont know what you will think.

i didnt say anything to josh about his drug use no matter how much i wanted to.

and look what happend to him cause of drugs he did it..

i just dont want it to be too late wiff youu bro =/

but i dont know if you would talk to me anymore...

help?

ImissElliotJoshAdams

I miss his smile.

I miss his laughter.

I miss fighting over the front seat.

I miss his humor.

I miss us talking about all kinds of music.

I miss him calling me a spolied brat ;)

I miss him driving me places.

I miss walking through that field with him.

I miss him spending time with me.

I miss him living at out house sometimes then other places.

I miss him & mom fighting.

I miss watching South Park with him.

I miss how he loved blue.

I miss texting him when he was in the next room.

I miss Josh Adams.

& most of all i miss my big brother.

is having to leave you josh.

imissyou

gets harder everyday not easier like everyone says,

i wanna go to counciling with jeremy cause we like never really talk about you
he talks about you with mom but never me i feel kinda left out with no one to
talk to but my friends.
but they didnt go through it.
you did and you dont talk to me jeremy.=/
oh well its like i dont have a sibling anymore no one to talk to.
it sucks but i got anessa and vanessa,janelly,eric,nick to talk to
hey whatever ill get throught it...
somehow.

josh i want you back i was looking through ure backpack today and i found a bullet.
it made me think ALOT!
i ALWAYS feel like people
are wondering Jess when are you gonna get over ure brothers death?
and i WONT EVER! never ever get over it and i hate feeling that people think that.

i wish you were here bro
i miss you and most people
dont see how bad it bothers me im good at
hiding my feelings

im good at faking a smile ;)

imissyou<3

love,ure lil sis.

imissAllThis<3

you were always my hero always so silly ;)

Now i see what these little bullets can do;destroy your life your happiness.

ASK ME ANYTHING<3

make ure questions interesting?

and ill answer 100 % honestly!

xoxo

jv

ok so i have some friends who remind me a bit of myself sometimes.

and iv left comments on their blogs/journals and told them that.&thats cool

but today i was just sitting back thinking that look at me and my friend dulce i just met her this year at scool.

and me and her are SOO much alike from music to style to standing up for ourselves.

and we recently found this out about eachother that both of us have had some of the worst relashionship trouble,

family trouble and so on.

I called her one night like ok 2am and she was awake and she could tell i was crying or had been and she asked what was wrong

and i told her and i asked her if she was crying she sounded like it.

and now we call eachother everynightt to see if were crying before we go to sleep.

and we always are we always cry ourselfs to sleep.

i guess it sounds sad but im used to it every night.

Dulces a true friend shes my bbycakes ;)

and i got some other true friends like

Mariah

Nick

Anessa

Vanessa

janelly <3 & crystal.

thanks you guys are all my reason for living.

Yepp

fake a smile ;) thats what i do everyday of my life!

to loseing my brother from suicide.

my cousin john going to jail right after that.

Then my bros frirned Josh Onley died from suicide too.

been  around drugs all my life.

fight,losers,gangstas,punks.

whatever i dont belong here

you know what its like?...to be stepped on

burned.

destroyed.

everything.

so fucking hell yea i fake a smile EVERYDAY of my life.

thats just what i gotta do to make it through.

Yepp Screw me SCREW my lifee ;)

xoxo

jv

so June 30th 2008.
it was like a normal summer i mean my neice and nephu spent the night my neice avery was aslepp in my room,i finally went to bed at 3am,which was normal during the summer for me.
Then around 5am something not so normal happend.
my mom came in my room in a hurry to get to my cell phone,and she was crying trying to be quiet since avery was aslep in my room.
She took me into the living room and told me my big brother josh had shot himself.I didnt really know what to think i mean it was like i was haveing a nightmare i wasnt awake this wasnt happening.
then as the day passed,i was calling my dad at 7am telling him and my cousin lacey and telling her what happend relizing this wasnt a nightmare it was really happening.
Then jeremy and melanie got to my house to stay with me and babies melanie and jeremy were crying too,so then i knew it was real another sign it was real.

I wanted to go to the hospital i didnt care what it was like.
I wanted to see my brother Josh one last time.
But i didnt get to go no one bothered to take me so i was just at home waiting to hear Good news.

but i didnt get any.
i didnt sleep that night just thinking wow i just saw josh the day before and now what? hes gone
i just a mircle to happen that all
i mean alot of families get thoes
so why couldnt mine?
I know people say everything happens for a reason.
But whats the reason?
Iv been through alot in my life for my age alredy it wasnt to make me stronger.
I needed josh he was my other big brother.

But now i do know he gone..sometimes
other times hes still here gone to blakes or something and he just isnt at home.

well Josh i wish you didnt pull the trigger
beause you have no idea how this has affected me.

you stroked tracys hair told her you loved her and shot yourself in  the head before she knew it.

why?

you left us with so many unanswered questions.

you were only 22 josh you had so much more life ahead of you.

i love you,and ill see you again someday.

xoxo

jess